With great power, comes perfect cereal

I’ve finally managed the ultimate.  After 25 long years, I have finally reached the pinnacle of human achievement.  I’ve done what I always assumed to be impossible.  I can’t believe it happened and…sorry…choking up…it just took me by surprised…

I FINALLY MANAGED TO MAKE MY CEREAL LOOK LIKE THE PICTURE ON THE CORNFLAKE BOX

I mean, seriously, does this mean I win at life?  After years of having my cereal look sodden and soggy, unlike that bowl of perfection, I should at least get a day named after me for creating this heavenly bowl?  No?  A medal?  I’m having my internet privileges removed?

Ok, on a more serious note, my post is going to be a bit different this week as if I wrote about the past week, it would be one of two things.

1.       It would be a post about how I spent most of my time working and I’m boring enough without talking about how I sit at a desk.

2.       An incredibly self-centred and negative rant about how various things are really bugging me or getting me down.  Let’s face it, the internet has enough of these without me add to it.

This presented me a conundrum.  What could I write about?  Then it came to me in the aftermath glow of my cereal bowl.  So, I present to you:

5 Reasons why I could not be a superhero in Kathmandu or anywhere really

Ok, before I get into this, I am deliberately avoiding the main reasons e.g. I have no superpowers; I’m not kick ass etc…this is pretty obvious and doesn’t need stated.

Ok, so as many of you will have worked out, I’m a big fan of comics and superheroes.  Who isn’t really?  So, due to this, I’ve found myself sitting in my flat late at night bored and I think to myself:

‘I could get a costume and fight crime and bring justice to these streets.  Nobody would ever suspect it was me!’

I mean, we all think that right?  Of course we do…however, reality then comes crashing down and I realize that I could never be one, for the following reasons why.

1.       I blog about my life

Picture the scene: a weary and battleworn ‘Blue Basford’ returns to his secret hideout and returns to his alter-ego and everyday life.  This alter ego then decides to write, in great detail, about his latest vigilante duties.  He then receives this comment at the end of his finely written (HA!) and incredibly entertaining (really?) entry:

‘Lolz, I no w3r3 u lves n who ur fri3nds n fmly r lolz’ – The Crimson crepe

This is obviously a problem.  Not only does he write in that awful online sub-language (which is bad enough) but he now knows who I am and who my family and friends are.  He could track me down at anytime, and I generally like to spend my free-time without having my ass-kicked.    

2.       I have no style

Ok, so you may be thinking that this isn’t exactly an important issue but think about it carefully.  As a superhero, you are going to be viewed as a symbol of hope and courage.  People will be looking up to you  and children will want to pretend to be you at Halloween.  So why the hell would the gain hope from somebody who has often been outdressed by the homeless.

Seriously, nobody is going to take a superhero seriously if they appear in ripped jeans and a loose t-shirt…even if his name is Blue Jeans Boy (sounds more like a country band).  

I mean, superman has his distinctive spider-suit; batman has his black latex; and superman, the red and blue.  At best, I could maybe pull of a suit and become a poor man’s Tuxedo Mask.  Even then, I’d still look more like the thug that the superhero should be BOOF SMACK POW-ing.

3.       Kathmandu is NOT the best place to go running around

So, I’m being chased by the confused police or perhaps I’m chasing after those blasted jewel thieves known as ‘siamese catwomen’.  Either way, the heat is on and I’m running, leaping over walls and gaps like a gazelle and then:

WHOOMPH

I slip on some corrugated iron, slip over a ledge and fall through a family’s windom as they eat dinner.  Or I run into a dangling power line and get thrown back a hundred feet into the Baghmati river.  Nope, Kathmandu is many wonderful things but a high-speed chase city, it is not. 

4.       I’m terrible at making decisions

I can barely decide what I want to have for dinner, let alone the life or death decisions that a hero has to make.  How can I decide whether to take justice into my own hands or let the police arrest them?  I’m the kind of guy who wanders around a supermarket in the hope that something decisive jumps out at me and I don’t need to make a decision.  I don’t think sitting there staring at the situation as I try to decide what to do would be useful…I’d argue it was downright counter-productive:

‘I’ve decided, I will turn you guys to the Police!  Guys?  Guys?? Ah dammit, not again!’

 And, if I ever met a nemesis like the Riddler, I'd just have to hang up my cape and boots, right then and there.  To hell with saving people.  FOR I AM INDECISION MAN!!!

5.       I need my sleep

Assuming that I wasn’t imbued with some sort of awesome endurance which negates sleep, I like my bed waaaaaaaaaaaaayy too much.  I don’t think I could do the whole ‘work during the day, kick ass during the night’.  It makes me tired just reading about how Peter Parker works, studies, socialized and crime-fights.  In fact, I’m pretty sleep thinking about it.  It wouldn’t do for a crime-fighter such as ‘Midget-Man’ to fall asleep whilst swinging through downtown Kathmandu or be caught napping on a crime-free bench by his foe ‘The Dark Average Height Knight’.  Sadly, I don’t really think there is much call for a crime fighter who works only between the hours of 6:30pm and 11pm plus the time it takes to walk to work.

And so, we come to the end of 5 of the many reasons why I could never be a superhero.  If you have any more suggestions, please write them on the back of a postcard and post them to a shredder. 

Pick of the week

Persona 4 – Going with a fairly old school and obscure PS2 title this week.  Persona 4 is a mix between a life simulator and an RPG, creating an awesome game that is in my top 5 video games ever.  The story is simple: you move in with your uncle and his daughter, start your school year and try to make friends…all the while trying to prevent students being murdered by being dragged into televisions.  Cue the screeching brake.  Oh yes, it is quite the dark tale.

During the day, it is as I first say.  You go to school, then in the afternoon/evenings, you can decide how tso spend your free time.  You could hang out with a friend, go shopping or go on a date.  Of course, you could be sensible and get a part-time job or stay at home and study/read.  There are many different ways to spend your free time and the choice is yours.

However, there is one other option you can take…you can enter the TV and fight your way through various areas to try and prevent students from being killed.  To do this you have to evoke your ‘persona’ (I see what you did there’ and to evoke is very simple.  You put the gun-shaped evoker to your head and pull the trigger…releasing a fighting version of the characters personality.  It actually isn’t as dark as it sounds…I promise!  To rescue the students, you climb up various towers, fighting and defeating your enemies before coming to the main boss.  

The fighting mechanic is fairly simple but has one interesting twist.  The character you control (you have a team) can collect cards of different personalities and change his ‘persona’ or merge it with other persona’s to make even more powerful identities.  This adds a lot of depth and customization to your character as well as making you consider tactics when entering a dungeon.  Not only this, but the level of your different friendships affects how powerful the personas you create are, linking back to the day.

Throw all this together; add in side-questions; compelling and unusual characters (that have detailed back stories); and people being forced to confront who they really are and you have a timeless game that I would recommend to everyone who enjoys an RPG.   

Music of the Week 

Simple and easy again as I rediscovered the song yesterday (pretty handy).  Motley Crue - Saints of Los Angeles.  Get out your leather trousers, rev up your bikes and grow your hair!  Woooo

Ok, rambling blog again but I at least cleared up why I never became a superhero.  Unless of course I'm writing this to throw you off the scent?