Ok, before I get into my main topic, I have something I need to get off my chest. Now, I am not one of these people who watch a film then sits and picks out every single flaw in it. Yes, sometimes they are hilarious and are worth noting but I try not to do it too much. However, there is something I’ve tried to forget about but can’t. It’s been weighing down in my head, so here it is. I was watching the film The Amazing Spider Man when I saw it and it made the film completely unrealistic to me:
Peter Parker i.e. Spider Man, and a young genius, uses Bing.
I mean, really? That just took me right out of the film. The magic was gone. Is Spiderman the only person who has not been sucked into the wonderful google world (which controls 64% of the search market)? What next? Batman using Ask Jeeves? Thor using Myspace (if he did, it would become some sort of black hole for emo girls. Pretty sure it would break the internet)? Come on, get it together! Ok, I realise I sound like a google fanboy but let’s face it… we all love Google, don’t we? Can Bing do a barrel roll? I thought not.
Ahem, let's not talk about this
Ok, enough of my silly ramblings and onto the main body of the text. I won’t be talking about my week again as it mostly comprises of work, sleep and being ill. Actually, I’ll sum it up briefly for you:
Type Type Type
Snooze Snooze Wake Snooze
Counsel Type Suggest
BATMAN
Snooze Snooze Snooze
Ill blugh cough flush
Damned banks Hulk Smash
Snooze blugh snooze
Type Blugh Type
And so, that was the majority of my week and even Edgar Allan Poe couldn’t turn that into a semi-readable story. I could sit and rant about the banks but I’m trying to remain somewhat positive, so that’s out the window. And so, it’s going to be quite the boring post or it was… until I walked into my bedroom.
.
..
…
….
Ok, now get your minds firmly out the gutter, it’s not linked to anything like that and I assure you, you’d all be the first to know (after I sent a couple of cards to a few people). I mean, come on people! We’re all adults now, we need to remain semi-serious here (giggle, semi - Ed)! I may also have lied as this could still end up a very boring post but stay with me, as we are going to enter the wonderful world of light switches.
You see, I counted my light switches last night. You’re now either wondering if:
a) I’ve either finally hit rock-bottom and become inconsolably boring or
b) that I have OCD. Probably A.
The answer is:
c) Something else.
You see, I walked into my bedroom, went to turn on the light and hit the wrong switch, for the hundredth time. My first thought was:
‘Get it together, you’ve only lived here 8 months. Least you should be able to do is hit the bloody correct light switch.’
Then it hit me! Why do I keep hitting the wrong switch? I almost never hit the correct switch in my room, and only slightly more anywhere else but why? You see, as it turns out, I have 8 light switches. For 6 lights. 2 of which actually work. For my bedroom alone. I’m sorry, I seem to have missed the memo where there could be a scenario where my bedroom needs to be lit up like Broadway on crack. Perhaps I’ll be attacked by Can-Can dancers and I’ll need to fend them off with a well-lit, finger-snapping tap routine. This made me decide to count the light switches in my flat as I noticed that I actually had a load of switches EVERYWHERE.
So I counted at 11:30pm last night. For a four room flat, it turns out I have 39 light switches. 39!!! Plus 2 dimmers but I don’t have time for dimmers, the non-switches that they are. I’ve seen music gigs with less switches and knobs. I mean, I’m scared to turn them all on incase I create some sort of nuclear reaction, or at least, burn out my retina. However, it got me to thinking…what possible scenario could it be that the previous tenants required so many light switches. Here are a few scenarios that I have come up with so far:
- They were evil geniuses that got arrested before they activated the ‘Switches’ which are linked to various devious and evil devices. If this is the case, I may have accidently unleashed evil on the world via me switching the switches. In this case, send me a lot of money or I’ll do it again…I mean, I’m sorry
- The switches are linked to lights and appliances throughout the building, ala ‘That Friends episode with the switch’. I admit this thought prompted me to run through my flat, hitting all the switches, giggling to myself at the potential chaos I could have been causing. I’M NOT EVEN ASHAMED.
- In a mirror image of number 1, the previous tenants were superheroes. Having read this blog before, I am assuming that you know that I would like this theory to be true. I assume I would need to have the switches turned on or off in some combination to active their super secret hideout…That is a lot of different combinations I’m going to have to work out. Not that I’m going to try…
- ???
- Profit
- It’s some form of modern art that I don’t quite understand. This could be true…modern art can be pretty obscure and I have no idea about any of it. I mean an unmade bed? Really?
- A fetish. Hey, could be possible! People fall in love with inanimate objects all the time. Why not light switches? What’s wrong with them? YOU MONSTERS!
Ok, I didn’t really imagine when I started blogging that I would end up writing about light switches…I hope I at least managed to keep it semi-interesting (must not laugh - Ed) and to the droves of readers that will no longer come back, thanks for reading! For those who will give me a nth chance, here is an amusing picture:
Pick of the week
The Amazing Spider-Man – I think we all saw this coming and let me start by saying this: I still think Johnny Cash would have been a great Uncle Ben (Ha! Bet you thought it was about Bing, didn’t you?). Ok, so a new reboot of a fairly recently film and I have to say, it’s the best Spider-Man I’ve seen. Once you get past the teenage romance, which as I pointed out in Facebook is an actual part of Spider-Man, you get a solid film that has some faithfulness to Ol’ Spidey’s heritage. First of all, Peter Parker is actually misunderstood and awkward, hiding his secret from his family, whilst Spider-Man is confident and cocky. However, Peter Parker then slowly comes out of his shell somewhat, which is actually faithful to his origins.
Onto Gwen and the lack of Mary Jane. This is where it starts to go down its own path, as in the comic, Gwen and MJ arrived on the scene at similar times though with Gwen having a slight head-start (if you went proper old-school, it would be Betty Brant). Their relationship, I have to admit, seemed fairly rushed but I can accept that as Spider-Man is about web-slinging, not love! One thing that did confuse me is why they called it Amazing Spider-Man but then went for the Ultimate Spider-Man setting: the school? For those who don’t know, in Amazing Spider-Man, Peter met Gwen in College and in Ultimate Spider-Man, he met her in School. Having it set in the college, would have changed almost nothing at all, whilst remaining truer to its namesake!
Hmm the Lizard eh? I was a bit sceptical at first but he was done very well. Without ruining too much, the film manages to portray how the mind of the lizard took over the mind of Dr Connors and how the power corrupted him, whilst still focusing on his lost arm. The visual effects look good as well, though the 1st person can be a bit nauseating but overall, it looks pretty amazing as you follow Spider-Man through the city. Finally, the action is fast. Very Fast. Sometimes it almost seems hard to follow but I think this actually work well in Spider-Mans favour, as he is meant to be fast and hard.
Overall, a great film, if somewhat confused about where it originated from (i.e. merging Ultimate and Amazing Spider-Man). However, it did manage to create a film which I feel actively portrays Peter Parker and his dual identity as Spider-man and how it affects his life as well. It’s also darker than the previous entries and still a little cheesy but again, this works in its favour as Spider-Man is cheesy and can often be quite dark. It certainly helps that they threw in a couple of references that related back to the early 1950 comics (Flash as a fan of Spider-Man for example). Well worth a watch and don’t forget to watch out for Stan Lee!
Music of the Week
Hmm, I'm going a bit geeky this week in terms of music but both are awesome songs from an awesome band and an awesome MC! First up, Wheatus - Lemonade, a personal favourite of mine:
Next up, MC Lars - Hipster Girl.
Ok, I really should end this here as I WROTE ABOUT LIGHT SWITCHES. Next week, I'm thinking about doing an expose of paint drying. Is it really more fun to watch than many things or are girls I've asked out lying to me??? Oh, I'm also working on something...so, um, bye!
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