Not very animated at all

*Update* Holy hell!  This blog is over 1 year old!  I didn't notice until now! I will have a special 1 year anniversary post next week to celebrate!  Until then, thank you all so very much for reading my blog for so long.  I love writing it and it's great to know that people enjoy it!  It has genuinely helped me through good times and bad!  Thank you!  

For the past several months, I have been living with an incomplete set of crockery.  I know, I’m an animal right?  Well now, as of this weekend, I have finally completed my crockery set!  Woohoo I’m a grown up now!  Anyhow, it’s been a fairly unexciting week with the exception of this Sunday.  

You see, I managed to get some good exercise and some sightseeing at the same time.  Instead of my usual Taekwondo lesson, Ashock and myself set out on his bike through the dust and traffic before arriving at the…airport?  I have to admit, I was slightly taken aback by this until I noticed a nice shaded and level walkway which was perfect for jogging.  So, we started off down the track before eventually making it to Pashupatinath Temple: a temple where the dead are cremated.  Jogging past the funeral pyres was a fairly harrowing experience but soon we passed by them and started jogging up some steps…oh so many steps.  Breathless by the time I arrived, I was taken aback by the shaded calm of the area: as the ground leveled, you find yourself surrounded by trees and old temples and monuments.  It was such a nice backdrop to some quick exercises and a little bit of wandering around…especially when we noticed there monkeys clambering around.  A nice morning well spent…though I did find out afterwards there are supposed to be a large number of snakes there…

So, whilst that was certainly an interesting and enjoyable experience, I can’t really right an entire blog on it…as it would turn out like this:

‘Step

Step Step

Pant Pant Pant

Look Look

Collapse’

albeit with a few more words, if not much more style.  It doesn’t help that I didn’t take pictures so I can’t not-so subtly fill out my post with them.  Gah, a rookie mistake!  So, this week’s blog topic is a ‘tongue in cheek’ guide:

5 things you need to make a successful anime (or a JRPG)

Now then, I admitted a while ago (and more recently as well) that I am writing (slowly - Ed) my own anime.  Because of this, I thought I would share my experiences in writing my anime as well as my countless hours of ‘research’ into the genre.  So, here is my expert (HA! - Ed) advice to writing an anime.

1.       Over-sized Weapons:

This is the most important thing to have and the bigger the better.  Hell, I’ve seen galaxies being thrown at opponents before (Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann) so you know it has to be big.  Think of a normal weapon e.g. a sword or gun then increase its size until you can just about hold it.  Now keep increasing its size by about threefold.  Now you’re talking!  A weapon is completely useless unless you can barely use it.  Don’t forget to hold it over your shoulder for extra coolness – vital for JRPG characters.
Bonus points: add a random attachment to the weapon

A classic example (Soul Eater)

2.       Skimpy Clothing:

If you’re not going to have skimpy outfits, then you’re in the wrong career.  THIS IS A MUST.  It is a well-known and proven fact that skin is much more effective against blades and bullets than clothes or armour.  If you are wearing armour, you will get hurt. *Batman Spoiler* Batman wore armour and got stabbed!  What more proof do you need?  This applies to both male and female characters.  Also, make sure to add entangling capes, jackets, chains and ponytails for added defence and fighting ability.
Bonus points: it must tear during battles 

A classic example of a skimpy male costume (Bleach)

3.       Sullen and overly cheerful Characters:

You can’t have one without the other.  Fact.  The universe will just implode if you try so don’t even think about it.  For your sullen character, don’t forget to make them sigh and grimace everytime anything ever happens.  Oh, and yell a lot.  Shouting is key to this characters strength.  GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is an acceptable shout.  For the cheerful character, they must annoy the sullen character (who is, of course, protective over them) and make the V sign with their hands and tilt their head to a 30 degree angle.  It has to be exact or they will die regardless of how skimpy their clothes are!

Bonus points: If the incredibly cheerful and female-looking character is actually male   

Light Yagami - Sullen (Deathnote)

4.       Hugely powerful ultimate mega-awesome ,final, last-chance, all-out attacks:

Your ultimate attack has to be powerful or it has to be fast and your character must have at least one…even if they are a butler (Hayate no Gotoku).  If your attack can’t level a mountain or destroy a town, then you had better hope that you can appear next to the enemy in the blink of an eye or dodge bullets.  If your character can’t, they won’t get screen time and will become jokes.  YOU DON’T WANT THAT, DO YOU???  Shouting during the attack can also help, as it will startle your enemy into standing still and waiting for you attack.
Bonus Points: Either your ultimate attack drains all your powers or you can snap the enemy’s weapon with a couple of fingers (Bleach)

One attack from person (Naruto)

5.       Filler episodes

Your life will not be worth living if you miss out or skimp on any of these bad boys.  Fans love these breaks in the main storyline.  Nothing quite like a tense cliff hanger episode where the main character is about to be killed or has been killed and then in the next episode…a trip to a beach or spa!  Really adds to the tension.  Alternatively, on the edge of a huge battle, you can dedicate a series to the history of some characters that’ve just appeared…it really makes you appreciate the finale of the battle!
Bonus points: Make the fillers last three series or more (Naruto)

So there we have it!  If you follow my advice, you will have a hit anime on your hands!  To any anime fans whom I may have offended: this was all in jest and, if you’re a regular reader, you will know I am a massive anime fan.  If we can’t poke fun at the things we love, the internet would be a boring place.  Also, don’t be so uptight.  If this offends you, then the internet is really not for you.

Pick of the week

Hayate no Gotoku – Ok, I couldn’t write this post and not include Hayate no Gotoku (or Hayate the Combat Butler) as this pokes fun at various animes throughout the series.  Introduced to me by Derek (i.e. the person who introduces most of the anime you watch - Ed), this show is a great laugh to watch.  It combines amusing and fairly odd characters with well-written humour that pokes fun at the Otaku culture, creating a fun and cohesive story that doesn’t take itself too seriously.  The only problem is sometimes it gets a little too weird (a giant cockroach, eh?) but overall, it is worth a watch…though new anime fans may not get all the references.

Music of the week

Just one song this week but it is pretty awesome and has been listened to many a time!  Let me introduce you to: Serj Tankian - Ching Chime!

Well now!  That is it for another week!  As usual, tell your friends and don't forget...there is a fairly useless facebook page, so please like it!

It's a novel idea at least!

Got to say, I always love how, from the moment I’m getting served in the bank to when I’m finished, my teller always finds the time to serve another 3 or 4 customers.  It is so nice to see such dedication to customer service…maybe it’s a bit early in the post for sarcasm, yes?  (plus, you said you were trying not to complain – History Ed).  Well regardless, I must apologise for the lack of a post last week:  I actually started writing a post but then I got ‘writers block’ and couldn’t continue it (Translation: you don’t have much of a life – Hard Truth Ed).  Here is what I managed to write:

‘As I type, I am sitting on a hotel bed watching Nepali TV in Pokhara.  You guessed right ladies and gentlemen, I am on a second business trip for The British College.  Thankfully, I was in a larger plane this time, so my nerves are somewhat less shot.  I’ve got to admit, that even with this week’s plane-fuelled detour, my week has been somewhat dull.  No major new experiences, no media appearances (though I did just see myself on TV) and no eating any new body parts.  Doesn’t make good reading for a blog, does it?  That said, the fact I’m sitting in a hotel room and just saw myself on tv makes me feel like I’m wanted…probably a good thing I’m not but it would make for some good reading.    

Not only this but I’m actually late in posting because I was hoping this business trip would kick-start something in my life.  It didn’t… So what to do?  Do I give up for the week with a half hearted apology?  Do I rant and rave about my plans?  Maybe reveal some deep secret that will change how you look at me?  Nope, that’s too easy!’ 

Nope, what did I do?  I gave up without an apology!  Ha!  Take that internet!  Until now anyway…plus I would make an awful outlaw.  Alas, my week has still been pretty dull…not really done much as I am trying to save as much money as possible and I’ve been concentrating on my Japan plans as well.  Thankfully, I do have something to write about though, as there is a mystery afoot!  Indeed, there was some strange happenings in my flat…mainly that somebody turned off the electricity in my flat for a day…only noticed by me when my battery started to run out.  So, I am writing about this on the suggestion of my friend JK and we will find out the cause dammit!  So, I present to you: 

Kept in the Dark: A true, if somewhat exaggerated story of heroism, tragedy and a beeping battery (to be read in the noir fashion).

I remember it well…the sights, the sounds, the people around me.  I had always heard that you would always remember where you were when something like this happened and by god, they were right.  I was sitting on my couch, staring intently at my laptop…the cloth gently caressing my back and rear…the glow off the laptop undoubtedly causing future problems with my eyesight and the radiation possibly killing off my future children.  I had just had dinner: it was…food.  

Then I heard it…a beep.  Just one…but it heralded the end the same as a banshee scream…

“Beep

Beep Beep

Beep Beep Beep

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP”

That death scream was the grand finale.  The epilogue.  The curtain call.  It ALL went dark.  My friends, what I had always feared had happened…the power was gone.  I was in darkness and alone.  I started to panic until I remembered: the torch!  My battery powered savior.  My (literally) shining hero!  I staggered, blind, into my room and fumbled about my desk for this simple yet oh so wonderful piece of technology.  Success!  With a simple flick of a switch, I banished the darkness to whence it came…eyes squinting at the light, I decided to investigate this horror.  Little did I suspect what was in store for me.

I suddenly found myself in front of it…I don’t know why but I was led there…the fuse box.  Hand shaking, I reached up and started to slowly unscrew the bolts.  Each twist felt like an eternity as that curdled feeling in my stomach got heavier and heavier.  As I unscrewed the last screw, the rusty and worn front fell away with a creak that shook me to my very soul.  Taut nerved, I fearfully moved my torchlight towards the gaping hole that was left…and promptly lost my stomach at the horror.  What kind of animal could do this and just leave?  To turn off another person’s fuse box and not even care…my faith in humanity crumbled as I witnessed this evil…and I did the only thing I could.  I turned it back on.    

And so, we find ourselves at the present moment and I am trying my darnedest to find out who committed this atrocity.  As a private eye, I would normally be sitting with a whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in the other…but I don’t smoke nor drink whiskey so I have a peppermint tea and a slice of cheesecake to help me think.  Delicious.  However, I vow to find out who this vile criminal is!  Based on the clues I have painstakingly searched for and created in my head, here are the potential criminals:   

  

1.       There was nobody, it was an accident: Now then, I am as skeptical as the rest but there was a time when I didn’t assume that everyone was out to get me.  So, perhaps, there was an unlucky electrician who meant to turn off the power but hit the wrong switch.  Unlikely, as each floor has an obvious fuse box on the landing.  Hopefully not as well, because as my apparently ‘not morbid’ sidekick to this mystery says:     

"BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT..”

2.       The Cockroaches: Sure, I’ve had a lot of issues with this gang and they are as sure as hell an unpleasant lot to tangle with but I don’t think they have the smarts or guts to pull something like this.  No, they would need to be led by someone…like The Spiders or Ants but I’ve got a gut feeling they ain’t involved.  Not this time.

3.       A Stranger: Random acts of power-cutting are rife in this dark and twisted world…maybe my fusebox was in the wrong wall at the wrong time…

4.       Cthulhu: That son of a bitch always had it in for me…I could easily see his slimy tentacles being wrapped around the fuse…squeezing.  Something was bugging me though: why the fuse box?  Why not eternal darkness and torture?  Or a Cthulhu pimp slap?

I sit here…staring in darkness.  Voices in my head telling me things I probably shouldn’t hear: ‘why would they lock it back up?’; ‘there was no footprints…’ ; ‘I think I have food poisoning again’.  Lost in thought, I don’t hear the door open nor the power-killer enter.  I look up just in time to see their face.

*Bang*

The shot hits me like a volt of electricity and I hit the floor.   As I lay there bleeding, I sudden cliche though came to me:

‘Heh, I wonder if that broad ever thinks about me’ 

 A cinematic pause...I cough

‘Probably not’ 

comes the answer.  The killer walks over me, towering above me and aim the gun at my chest… It all goes dark…

’Fuck, the power went out again’ 

I curse.

*bang*

End

Pick of the week

Project Eternity – Ok, another kickstarter project this week but I can’t help as these were some of the first games I played.  From the makers of Fallout, Icewind Dales and Baldurs  Gate comes a new top-down action RPG that brings the oldschool into the modern age.  These are the people who made these games famous and they want to make another, together!  Go!  Throw your money at them!  It will be worth it! 

Music of the week

Ok, so I have had two songs that have been on repeat for the past week but I won't mention them as I had already brought them up recently.  So, I am going to go with:

 Dope - Burn

Ok and one I was listening to: Tech N9ne - EBAH

Ok, so I tried something a little different today so perhaps it's good, perhaps it sucks.  Let me know either way!

sunsets and body parts

I’m going to start this week with a secret…a secret that only one person knows in this world.  A secret so dark, you’ll never look at ANYONE the same (can you tell somebody found the strike-through button…dammit, you can’t censor me!!! – Ed).  Despite being single, I already know how I am going to propose.  Once again, I will give you a minute to stop giggling.  Better.  It’s true: I decided on holiday that I wanted to propose to my future wife in Hong Kong Gardens (subsequently, to any future girlfriend I suggest going to Hong Kong with, if you don’t want to marry me, just tell me.  At least I can save the plane ticket cost).  

When I first entered the park, I was amazing about how well park greenery and city skyscrapers meshed together and I thought that was a really beautiful achievement.  Not only that but I felt a sense of peace that I would love to share with my spouse, especially as it is my favourite place in this world right now.  So, why am I revealing all this and potentially ruining what little internet credit I have left?  Because it almost got knocked off its number 1 spot (candidate for best segue ever? - Ed) 

However, the story doesn’t start there so please bear with me.  Ok, my Sunday started off fairly normally… with the exception that I got flown to Chitwan for a small presentation being held by TBC: all in all, a good start to the day.  This was exciting in itself but was soon overshadowed by a new experience:  I flew in my first propeller plane (that I am aware of)… 

…and it was terrifying.  Don’t get me wrong, it was very exciting once I got used to the (much) small cabin and the buzzing of the engines I really enjoyed it.  It was just the lift off: the slow whine as the propellers began to swing to life…the creaking of the body as we jerked into movement and the mind-numbing terror as we lurched into the air.  And I’m a good flyer.  I do exaggerate a little: I was a little tense when we took off but afterwards I enjoyed the flight more (especially as it took 20 minutes).  After landing, I was met by Suman, the portal to my new experiences.  After being picked up, dropping by the hotel and spending a couple of hours replying to emails, my next experience came out of nowhere.

 

I had lunch.  I had Taas to be precise but that wasn’t the most interesting (though it was some of the best mutton I’ve had).  No, what was the new experience was the 2^nd dish…which was basically assorted sheep.  By the end of the meal, I had not only tried the mutton but also sheep liver and sheep heart.  Yup, I tried heart…and it wasn’t too bad either.  Quite tasty in fact.  Suman did seem to take a lot of pleasure in waiting for me to put it in my mouth then telling me what it was though…hmm.  So, experience number two in less than a few hours.  

After lunch, I was then took on a bike ride though one of Chitwans jungles and it was glorious, just riding over the bumpy track through miles and miles of dense forest (until the bike almost fell over in a massive puddle – Ed).  If you had asked me what I was going to be doing today last week, I would not have said this.  Just the sheer feeling of peace that overtakes you as you stare into a lake in the middle of nowhere is glorious.  However, that still wasn’t the experience…

Nope, that came next as, after now having driven through miles and miles of rice paddies, we turned into what is described as the sunset area: Sauraha.  Essentially a small (touristy) village right next to a river, we drove right to the end where there was a large stone path and a small open-air bar.  Here we strolled up the stone path which overlooked the river before wandering back to the bar.  Now, for the next part, I cannot stress enough how relaxing it was: just sitting with a beer and some food (including duck chilli) watching the sunset over the trees.

Being about 5 metres from the running water, surrounded by jungle and a beautiful sunset was just a glorious moment of relaxation: something I haven’t really felt since Hong Kong Gardens.  Just being able to let go of everything and enjoy the surroundings is something I am truly awful at but here I was able to do this.  This almost knocked Hong Kong Gardens off its throne but even so, if you ever come to Nepal, I recommend you head to Chitwan and have a beer whilst the sun sets.

My night was then ended with some Dal Bhat with Suman and his family before back to my hotel room and a laptop full of work!  Tired was an understatement…Next morning, before breakfast Suman had one last surprise for me: he took me to the main river in Chitwan (Narayani river) and we overlooked it for a while at a Temple before we rode along the riverbank for breakfast: another Nepali traditional food (I can’t remember the name but it had Oil Roti, vegetables and a sweet pretzel shaped item). 

Altogether, I had an amazing time in Chitwan and thank you very much to Suman for showing me some of the area and for inviting me into your home: it was a great day.

Pick of the week

‘Rough guides’ for kindle - Before you anti-kindle people start lighting the torches and grabbing the pitchforks to the shouts of monster, I prefer real books.  I love sitting with a book and flicking through the pages and I honestly hope that they never get replaced…hell, I don’t even own a kindle, I have a tablet with a kindle app (splitting hairs much? - Ed).  However, I have found that having a travel guide (in this case ‘Rough guide to Japan’) for kindle or tablet is actually amazingly useful. 

For one, I live in a country where it can cost almost twice as much to buy a book, so financially it helps but that isn’t the main reason.  Nor is the fact it is easier to drink a coffee and turn pages at the same time (brilliant by the way).  Nope, the biggest selling point for me is that I can easily book mark pages, highlight text and easily find what I have marked again.  For somebody who spends a ridiculous amount of time planning (you have no idea – Ed), it is great to be able to read through a page then highlight a certain restaurant or museum etc that has interested me.  Not only that but I can also add notes to the page as well: for somebody who reviews places, this is amazing as I can easily add different notes afterwards as I usually carry my tablet with me (note: not during…I like enjoying the situation whilst I’m there…not tweeting about it):

Of course, there are problems with it e.g. it can be a little difficult to highlight text at the edge (as it can turn the page) and some of the maps are pretty useless but altogether, I find it really useful when I’m planning my trips: it gives me extra levels of highlighting without damaging the pages…plus if I combine it with online maps and GPS, it means I can easily find recommended locations and restaurants/bars

Music of the week

Three songs in one post?  Not since the summer of '69 has music been so abundant...or something.  One sone each from each of the bands I have been listening to this week:

Linkin Park - Lost in the Echoes

Weerd Science - Aslyum in Skin

Head Phones President - Hello

Well, I'm too tired to attempt anything more so I'm going to reheat some chinese and finish my cup of tea.  Mug life yo!