Got to say, I always love how, from the
moment I’m getting served in the bank to when I’m finished, my teller always
finds the time to serve another 3 or 4 customers. It is so nice to see such dedication to
customer service…maybe it’s a bit early in the post for sarcasm, yes? (plus,
you said you were trying not to complain – History Ed). Well regardless, I must apologise for the
lack of a post last week: I actually
started writing a post but then I got ‘writers block’ and couldn’t continue it
(Translation: you don’t have much of a
life – Hard Truth Ed). Here is what
I managed to write:
‘As I type, I am sitting on a hotel bed
watching Nepali TV in Pokhara. You
guessed right ladies and gentlemen, I am on a second business trip for The British
College. Thankfully, I was in a larger
plane this time, so my nerves are somewhat less shot. I’ve got to admit, that even with this week’s
plane-fuelled detour, my week has been somewhat dull. No major new experiences, no media
appearances (though I did just see myself on TV) and no eating any new body
parts. Doesn’t make good reading for a
blog, does it? That said, the fact I’m
sitting in a hotel room and just saw myself on tv makes me feel like I’m
wanted…probably a good thing I’m not but it would make for some good reading.
Not only this but I’m actually late in
posting because I was hoping this business trip would kick-start something in
my life. It didn’t… So what to do? Do I give up for the week with a half hearted
apology? Do I rant and rave about my
plans? Maybe reveal some deep secret
that will change how you look at me?
Nope, that’s too easy!’
Nope, what did I do? I gave up without an apology! Ha!
Take that internet! Until now
anyway…plus I would make an awful outlaw.
Alas, my week has still been pretty dull…not really done much as I am
trying to save as much money as possible and I’ve been concentrating on my
Japan plans as well. Thankfully, I do
have something to write about though, as there is a mystery afoot! Indeed, there was some strange happenings in
my flat…mainly that somebody turned off the electricity in my flat for a
day…only noticed by me when my battery started to run out. So, I am writing about this on the suggestion
of my friend JK and we will find out the cause dammit! So, I present to you:
Kept in the Dark: A true, if somewhat exaggerated
story of heroism, tragedy and a beeping battery (to be read in the noir fashion).
I remember it well…the sights, the sounds,
the people around me. I had always heard
that you would always remember where you were when something like this happened
and by god, they were right. I was
sitting on my couch, staring intently at my laptop…the cloth gently caressing
my back and rear…the glow off the laptop undoubtedly causing future problems
with my eyesight and the radiation possibly killing off my future
children. I had just had dinner: it
was…food.
Then I heard it…a beep. Just one…but it heralded the end the same as
a banshee scream…
“Beep
Beep Beep
Beep Beep Beep
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP”
That death scream was the grand
finale. The epilogue. The curtain call. It ALL went dark. My friends, what I had always feared had
happened…the power was gone. I was in
darkness and alone. I started to panic
until I remembered: the torch! My
battery powered savior. My (literally)
shining hero! I staggered, blind, into
my room and fumbled about my desk for this simple yet oh so wonderful piece of
technology. Success! With a simple flick of a switch, I banished
the darkness to whence it came…eyes squinting at the light, I decided to
investigate this horror. Little did I
suspect what was in store for me.
I suddenly found myself in front of it…I
don’t know why but I was led there…the fuse box. Hand shaking, I reached up and started to
slowly unscrew the bolts. Each twist
felt like an eternity as that curdled feeling in my stomach got heavier and
heavier. As I unscrewed the last screw,
the rusty and worn front fell away with a creak that shook me to my very soul. Taut nerved, I fearfully moved my torchlight
towards the gaping hole that was left…and promptly lost my stomach at the
horror. What kind of animal could do
this and just leave? To turn off another
person’s fuse box and not even care…my faith in humanity crumbled as I witnessed
this evil…and I did the only thing I could.
I turned it back on.
And so, we find ourselves at the present
moment and I am trying my darnedest to find out who committed this
atrocity. As a private eye, I would
normally be sitting with a whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in the other…but
I don’t smoke nor drink whiskey so I have a peppermint tea and a slice of
cheesecake to help me think. Delicious. However, I vow to find out who this vile
criminal is! Based on the clues I have
painstakingly searched for and created in my head, here are the potential
criminals:
1.
There was nobody, it was an accident:
Now then, I am as skeptical as the rest but there was a time when I didn’t
assume that everyone was out to get me.
So, perhaps, there was an unlucky electrician who meant to turn off the
power but hit the wrong switch.
Unlikely, as each floor has an obvious fuse box on the landing. Hopefully not as well, because as my
apparently ‘not morbid’ sidekick to this mystery says:
"BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT..”
2.
The Cockroaches: Sure, I’ve had a lot of
issues with this gang and they are as sure as hell an unpleasant lot to tangle
with but I don’t think they have the smarts or guts to pull something like
this. No, they would need to be led by
someone…like The Spiders or Ants but I’ve got a gut feeling they ain’t
involved. Not this time.
3.
A Stranger: Random acts of power-cutting
are rife in this dark and twisted world…maybe my fusebox was in the wrong wall
at the wrong time…
4. Cthulhu: That son of a bitch always had it in for me…I could easily see his
slimy tentacles being wrapped around the fuse…squeezing. Something was bugging me though: why the fuse
box? Why not eternal darkness and
torture? Or a Cthulhu pimp slap?
I sit here…staring in darkness. Voices in my head telling me things I
probably shouldn’t hear: ‘why would they lock it back up?’; ‘there was no
footprints…’ ; ‘I think I have food poisoning again’. Lost in thought, I don’t hear the door open
nor the power-killer enter. I look up
just in time to see their face.
*Bang*
The shot hits me like a volt of electricity
and I hit the floor. As I lay there bleeding, I sudden cliche though came to me:
‘Heh, I wonder if that broad ever thinks
about me’
A cinematic pause...I cough
‘Probably not’
comes the answer. The killer walks over me, towering above me
and aim the gun at my chest… It all goes dark…
’Fuck, the power went out again’
I curse.
*bang*
End
Pick
of the week
Project Eternity – Ok, another kickstarter project this week but I can’t help as
these were some of the first games I played.
From the makers of Fallout, Icewind Dales and Baldurs Gate comes a new top-down action RPG that
brings the oldschool into the modern age.
These are the people who made these games famous and they want to make
another, together! Go! Throw your money at them! It will be worth it!
Music of the week
Ok, so I have had two songs that have been on repeat for the past week but I won't mention them as I had already brought them up recently. So, I am going to go with:
Dope - Burn
Ok and one I was listening to: Tech N9ne - EBAH
Ok, so I tried something a little different today so perhaps it's good, perhaps it sucks. Let me know either way!
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